Local Wildlife Preservation Information

Dancin' with Dogmeat

What does Google know anyway?

Found while Googling myself at work (insert tasteless pun here):

Name Origin and Meaning:

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Forename:
Origin: French (Root: Andrew)
Meaning: Manly, Courageous



Your personal power animal is the Sumatran Orangutan

Your 'Numerology' number is 1. If it wasn't bulls**t, it would mean that you are ambitious, independent, and self-sufficient. Although you are generally happy, loving, dynamic and charismatic, you can sometimes be egotistical, selfish and melodramatic.

In ASCII binary it is... 01000001 01101110 01100100 01110010 01100101 00100000 01000010 01101111 01110010 01100100 01100101 01101100 01101111 01101110

Baby, I didn't mean to hit you...

There's an undeniable electric feeling rolling like waves over the streets of (Seattle's) Capitol Hill. The streets are thronged with serfs and lords, bailiffs and jesters. There's an intoxicating relief, a knowing hopefulness that winks at you from around the streetcorner and honks at you from the multitude of sensible automobiles that slaps a silly grin across your face. The wars aren't by any means over, but ticker-tape falls from windows on to the crowds below like the old celluloids at the end of #2. Fireworks fill the sky and everyone you meet is another heart that was broken until tonight. The din of happy shouting is just icing.




It feels like the Bastille's been stormed. It enraptures like the return of Helen to Greece. It massages the idea of an America with a heart back to life. I've never known a night like this.



I'm 31 now, but I had never been old enough for a celebratory drink in the neighborhood pub after the good guys won. Not until today. It's an intoxication that overtakes the chems in my bloodstream and shoots me up into a high like unto no other.


It must be very easy to be cynical about the process or the choices or the system. I mean hell, I just did it hours ago myself, so any dipshit must be able to. And I'm sure that this feeling of enlightened goodwill, of nationalistic unity will fade. Before I know what's happening I'll be crashing out and it'll all be another set of DT's. That's the circle and now that it's spun my way the day when it spins back is 24 hours closer.


It's been written that politics is like a drug, that it gets in the blood and rides you through high times and into low dregs alike. Well we're buzzing now, so don't harsh me, man. We'll worry about the hangover once the honeymoon's over.

Vote Autocratic Party Ticket

Write in "Me" for every office. Who else is fit to lead you?

Seriously though, go out and Vote! Because if you cast the right vote wars will magically end, the economy built on exploitation will suddenly pay fair wages, actors will fall in love with their stalkers, cars will suddenly run on seawater, people in the ozarks will get teeth, racism will cease to be a problem, all police brutality will end.

BUT MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: The person YOU support is certainly not a corrupt say-anything carreer politician who is owned by big industries, lobbies and/or unions who would rather penetrate you sexually with a switchblade then give up an inch of their power or a cent of their money for the greater good. No way, because whatever political party you're supporting isn't a cadre of corrupt murderers, sniviling syncophants and spinless leeches. Nuh uh!

So yeah, "go vote", Hero. You're saving the 'effing world, appairently.

I'm reminded of a quote from good 'ol saint George, may he rest in peace:

"I'm happy to tell you that on election day I stayed home. And I did essentially what you did. The only difference is when I got finished masturbating I had something to show for it."

So go vote. And by "vote" I mean "away from me you self-deluding pile of living feces."

Oh, and by all means feel free to leave a bunch of self-important comments about how I'm not helping to save the world but you are because a tree died for you to scibble "puppet # 1 please" on it's flattened bleached corpse. Don't go out and feed a homeless person. Don't step in and put an end to the domestic violence raging across the apartment hallway. Don't tutor an autistic child. Vote. And then find someone who doesn't think you're Jesus and act all high-and-mighty to them.


I hate your species.

True...

Excerpt from Service for Dies Dominii Aprilis MMVIII, part 2

Community Service

Snubbed

Seems perfect... but what if it's NOT?

I Never saw the X...

Who you gonna believe?

People with degrees, or people who didn't believe in gravity?

Clearly, somebody up there loves me...

My Milkshake Brings all the Cults to the Yard

Happy Birthday to Me!

No it's not my birthday for another 5 weeks. However, my happy happy 31st will now be immortalized as the day the earth stood still....or at least that some of the Brownian motion within it's gravitational sphere began oscillating in a nonstandard configuration. That's right junior mad scientists, they've announced the day the CERN will first turn. And let me tell you: It's about frikken time.

I tell ya, ever since watching that elevator scene in Ghostbusters as a wee mad scientist lad I've always been a fan of unlicensed nuclear accelerators. Not because they shoot orange-pink beams of kablooey: that's just special effects, dummy. No, because in those seconds between final trial sequence completion and first confirmed successful firing of the positron collider the REAL gambler's high kicks in. The odds are not just PROVING that phycists know a hell of a lot more about a hell of a lot then those idiots who believe in hell, but also a tiny chance of total positronic reversal or as Egon might say "It could be bad."

Now some folks out there have kicked up alot of dirt about how "bad" the result of total Terran atomic disruption would be. And of course those people are all expert scientists with long-studied degrees in subatomic physics I'm sure. Otherwise responsible people would kick them in the nuts as soon as they started blabbing on about shit they don't know shit about. But I kinda hope in my black heart of black hearts that they would be proven right. Two reasons here:

1) it would prove that man is WAY better at magic than God, who it has been said would take a considerable time to disassemble our mudball. Total electromagnetic collapse would take less than a minute to spread from Geneva to Australia.

2) they'd all be too dead to gloat about being right. And let's face it, they already overgloated about all the things they SAID were right before they were proven wrong.

Now of course I'm being a bit facetious. Every one of these concerns has been trumpeted by people whose reading habits swing between scripture and sci-fi. And that's the real divider between man and beats after all: Men do the math. Beasts just roar.

I guess what I'm saying here is that while quantum reactions are certainly academic good times to those of us who USE the thinking part of our skullmeats, knowing every fucking fundie who ever opened their ignorant hole was finally undone by science would sooooo be worth total ionic dissipation. It's a win-win happy birthday for Dre, so please pass the cake.

The New Scum

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Excerpt from Service for Dies Dominii Aprilis MMVIII

Most Chinese Live in Fear of Secret Police.

"Most Chinese Say They Approve of Government Internet Control"


Am I the only one who sees the above when I read headlines like these?

Service for Dies Dominii Aprilis MMVIII, part 1

You, hey YOU! You're looking kinda pink over there. Yeah! I see you. Are you pink? Are you pink, motherfucker!? Yeah I'm talking to you, Pinkie! Oh what's that? What's that you're not pink? I dunno, all the way down there you're lookin' kinda pink to me! Lookin' a bit pinkish down there! Maybe you wanna come up here? Come up here on stage and prove to me, prove to BOB ALL MIGHTY that you are not pink.

Do you promise to not be pink?

Promise?

promise me?

That's three times you're promised to me, _____________. Raise your stark fist.

Mutant, do you hereby cast down the SHACKLES of your pink slave name?

Do you hereby swear to refuse your membership in the human community?

Do you declare your allegiance to the SubGenius race and your own household kingdom?

Do you swear to promote devisions and wars among non-mutants?

Will you work always to unmask the conspiracy, to install a strict anarchy or formal chaos?

To extend your Endurance as an Overman by indulging in excesses of Every Kind?

Do you pledge to not actually "work" at any of the Above?


I hereby Name you _______________________. Rise, accept your doctorate in the forbidden science of _______________________. Act honorably in your new position _______________. Take your place by my side, and we shall rule the galaxy as __________ and ____________!

Amen, bitches.

Drinks I've Invented:

Claims laid down HERE for the following alchemical concoctions:

1) The Red Chinese

1 part vodka
1 part Kahlua
2 parts Egg Nog

Serve over ice in whatever type of glass you normally choose to serve White Russian. Stirring optional.

2) The Slow Comfortable Screw Hard Up Against the Wall so I Can Sleep

2 parts Sloe Gin
2 parts vodka
3 parts Southern Comfort
1 part Galliano
2 parts Whiskey
5 parts Orange Juice
1 shot of NyQuil

Muddle all non-medicinal ingredients with ice and serve in a pint glass. After serving pour in the Nyquil and stir slowly.