Happy Birthday to Me!

No it's not my birthday for another 5 weeks. However, my happy happy 31st will now be immortalized as the day the earth stood still....or at least that some of the Brownian motion within it's gravitational sphere began oscillating in a nonstandard configuration. That's right junior mad scientists, they've announced the day the CERN will first turn. And let me tell you: It's about frikken time.

I tell ya, ever since watching that elevator scene in Ghostbusters as a wee mad scientist lad I've always been a fan of unlicensed nuclear accelerators. Not because they shoot orange-pink beams of kablooey: that's just special effects, dummy. No, because in those seconds between final trial sequence completion and first confirmed successful firing of the positron collider the REAL gambler's high kicks in. The odds are not just PROVING that phycists know a hell of a lot more about a hell of a lot then those idiots who believe in hell, but also a tiny chance of total positronic reversal or as Egon might say "It could be bad."

Now some folks out there have kicked up alot of dirt about how "bad" the result of total Terran atomic disruption would be. And of course those people are all expert scientists with long-studied degrees in subatomic physics I'm sure. Otherwise responsible people would kick them in the nuts as soon as they started blabbing on about shit they don't know shit about. But I kinda hope in my black heart of black hearts that they would be proven right. Two reasons here:

1) it would prove that man is WAY better at magic than God, who it has been said would take a considerable time to disassemble our mudball. Total electromagnetic collapse would take less than a minute to spread from Geneva to Australia.

2) they'd all be too dead to gloat about being right. And let's face it, they already overgloated about all the things they SAID were right before they were proven wrong.

Now of course I'm being a bit facetious. Every one of these concerns has been trumpeted by people whose reading habits swing between scripture and sci-fi. And that's the real divider between man and beats after all: Men do the math. Beasts just roar.

I guess what I'm saying here is that while quantum reactions are certainly academic good times to those of us who USE the thinking part of our skullmeats, knowing every fucking fundie who ever opened their ignorant hole was finally undone by science would sooooo be worth total ionic dissipation. It's a win-win happy birthday for Dre, so please pass the cake.