X-Day Prayer-Mantra

Begin at approx 4AM EST July 5th (preferably 1998)

1) Assume kneeling position, place hands on knees, lower head.
Alternately, while kneeling throw arms wide at approx 90-degree
angle from torso and lean head back.

2) Eyes closed, begin chanting :

"Oh great Bob Shogoth Nu'guganth Ygvealanqe. Heed now this
intonation.
Though my tongue be foreign to your vile attentions, take my aether to stoke this spell's furnace. Come now before me, I invite you.
Grant me the vigor of madness! Open to me the twin paths of confusion and misconception. Through this sacrifice of my sane mind give me the secrets of Time Control!
Take my soul unto the Pleasure Vessels of the Sex Goddesses, and let
it ride reverse-cowgirl style to Valhalla on a rainbow mattress. Let
my flesh and mind remain here to fester and fail in the unholy and
despicable satiation of your vile desires.
I surrender all whom I love and entrust all that I hate to your
wretched clutches. Despoil and destroy me as would be your want.
Witness that I have touched your codex, and that my wallet bear your
unholy mark. The time is as such that this pact may be sealed. Take
my mind and give me in it's place your FIRE!"

3) Repeat as necessary until 7:03 AM EST. *

4) Enjoy your new lifestyle.

* Warning: May be ineffective without brain-destroying overdoses of
hallucinogens. PLEASE take ALL the brown acid you can get your grubby little paws on ASAP.